Peanuts, By Charles Bukowski
It began as a mistake.
The first time that Charles Branaski met Lucy Van Pelt, she was holding a football. He didn’t care for the game, baseball was his thing. Still, she held out that old football.
“Just kick the fucking thing,” she said.
“Listen, babe. You just hold that thing steady and I’ll kick the shit out of it.”
She threw her head back and laughed. She laughed long and hard and propped up the football. Charlie took a running start and he reared back his leg and kicked as hard as he could. Lucy was laughing too hard to hold the ball steady and it slipped out of her hand. Charlie missed the ball and flew straight up in the air and landed flat on his back.
“AUUUGGGGHHH,” he said.
“You should have seen your face, Charlie Branaski,” she said. Then she laughed twice as hard.
“Listen, you crazy bitch. I think I broke my ass. Jesus Christ!”
She helped him up. “Look, I’m sorry about that. You try it again and I’ll hold it real steady this time.”
“O.K., Lucy. I’ll do it on more time, but that’s it. You hold it this time, got it?”
“I promise,” she said.
Read the whole thing. Or die in a sewer. I really don't care.