Waiting for Zarqawi

Zarqawi grants his first posthumous interview to Protein Wisdom.

Read this hilarious, postmodern, deeply-pleasing excerpt:

protein wisdom: “For instance, a question I bet a lot of my readers would be interested in hearing your answer to is, why did you target Iraqi civilians if what you were trying to do was win the hearts and minds of the Iraqi population?”

al-Zarqawi:

protein wisdom: “I mean, was it to try to foment a civil war?—which, if that happens, will likely happen thanks to years of brutal Sunni-Ba’athist oppression of the majority Shia and not because al Qaeda fooled anyone into thinking their attacks were anything other than pure barbarism. Or was there something else involved? Some other grand strategy?”

al-Zarqawi:

protein wisdom: “-- Like, I dunno, maybe the real target of your attacks was the Western media, which has shown itself to be easily manipulated toward anti-war sentiment by ‘insurgent’ brutality. Something along those lines.”

al-Zarqawi:

protein wisdom: “Yes? No? Maybe...?”

al-Zarqawi:

protein wisdom: “Hello...?”

al-Zarqawi:

protein wisdom: “Or perhaps you’re one of those cats who just likes to blow shit up...?”

al-Zarqawi: