The Post-Postmodernist

Sunday, December 31, 2006

It Was a Very Good Year

That's the backside of Saturn, as taken by the Cassini space probe.

DEFINITELY click to enlarge and/or right click to save. Makes a great screen-saver.

It's an amazing shot, worthy of being in the top ten of any "best astronomy photographs" list... but one detail in it was responsible for it being deemed the #1 astronomy picture of the year: that little blue dot at 10 o'clock, just inside the second to outermost ring, is Earth.

You are there. Or here, as the case may be. And Happy New Year to you.

Allman Bros. Fillmore. Whipping Post.

Gotta love youtube....Here's part 2:

Saturday, December 30, 2006

Sic Semper Tyrannis

Obituary - Saddam Hussein
Times Online
December 30, 2006
April 28, 1937 - December 30, 2006
Former Iraqi dictator who ruled his country without mercy and struck fear into the heart of millions

Saddam Hussein was a tyrant whose actions brought down unimaginable catastrophe on Iraq and its peoples. From an early age, he had enjoyed inflicted suffering on those around him and, when he came to positions of political power, those whom he could not force or corrupt into submitting to his will, he maimed, murdered or made to flee.

He started two major international wars - one against Iran, the second as a result of aggression against Kuwait - which cost an estimated one million lives. He instituted genocidal campaigns against the Kurds in the north of Iraq and the Marsh Arabs in the south. Ruling through the Sunni minority of which he was a member, he ignored the claims of the country's majority Shia population.

The third war in the region - which brought him and his regime down - was not directly begun by him, but by apparent American - and British - fears of a perceived threat his arsenal of weapons posed to international security. This time Saddam misjudged the event - and certainly the American mood.

Having been let off the hook after his defeat over his Kuwait adventure, he clearly felt that the international community did not have the stomach for a fight. He may have been right in that. But a new American President, George W Bush, determined to find a scapegoat for the Muslim terrorist attacks on the US in September 2001, was in no mood to abide by the niceties of international law. In the determination of President Bush and his cabinet of advisers, Saddam at length met his match, though the internecine aftermath of the campaign that overthrew him gave his conquerors little enough satisfaction.

Saddam appeared to have psychopathic tendencies which, combined with the exacerbating circumstances of his absolute power, resulted in the killing of more fellow Muslims, possibly, than Genghis Khan and Tamberlaine had caused between them in the thirteenth and fourteenth centuries. Yet, until he invaded the oil-rich state of Kuwait, he enjoyed the collaboration of many governments abroad - including those in the West - who had given him backing in his unprovoked assault on Iran.

His invasion of the important Kuwait oilfields in 1990, however, resulted in the formation of an international military coalition against him, which was given sanction by United Nations resolutions. US-led, it inflicted a severe defeat on his forces and administered a check to his territorial ambitions - though it made him a hero to many Muslim militants and Arab nationalists. Even with defeat staring him in the face he continued to proclaim victory to his people.

And after his expulsion from Kuwait and the massive casualties inflicted on his army, Saddam continued defiant, thwarting the efforts of UN inspectors to check on his weapons stocks and refusing to let himself be cowed by the overflying of his country by armed British and American aircraft. Meanwhile he continued with projects to develop new weapons to threaten territories outside his borders, apparently secure in his power, in spite of the sufferings of his people, which were in such painful contrast to the lavish lifestyle enjoyed by himself and his family.

A fervent admirer of Hitler on account of the latter's boldness and hatred of Jews, he told his official biographer in 1980 that he wanted Iraqis to think of Nebuchadnezzar every day. "We could march into Palestine and bring all those Jews here in Babylon with their hands tied behind their backs once more", he said.

Saddam bin Hussein was born an orphan in the small village of Auja near the town of Tikrit some 100 miles north of Baghdad when Iraq was still a young state under King Ghazi and his British advisers. His was the traditional childhood of the poor peasantry, struggling to subsist in a hot, dusty, disease-ridden land.

In addition, as a hyperactive child who seemed constantly to provoke fights with other children, he endured ill treatment at the hands of a violent stepfather, a man known as Hassan the Liar. His circumstances were somewhat softened, however, by the interventions of his maternal uncle, Khairallah Tulfah, known as Khairallah the Thief, who would one day be rewarded by his nephew with the governorship of the capital and become known as the Thief of Baghdad.

Saddam's schooling began at the age of seven in Tikrit. Such was the lawless environment around him that, on his first day at school, he carried a steel bar in his hand and a loaded revolver in his pocket, the latter bought for him by his relatives. A year later, his uncle, who had fought on the side of a pro-Nazi coup in 1941 and who had started a bus service in Tikrit, took him to Baghdad for the rest of his primary and secondary education, and Saddam acquired a surname, Tikriti.

In 1958, after the overthrow of the monarchy, he was briefly imprisoned for the murder of a teacher, his uncle's Communist opponent in parliamentary elections in Tikrit, and began to develop a reputation as an assassin. For this reason, the leaders of the Socialist Arab Renaissance (Baath) Party, apparently in collusion with Egypt's Colonel Nasser, chose him to lead an attempt on the life of the country's military dictator, General Abdul-Karim Qasim.

Yet, the five-man gang bungled the ambush, even though Qasim travelled with hardly any protection, and Saddam fled to Syria, nursing a wounded leg, which was probably caused by a comrade's bullet. In Syria he stayed for six months before going on to Cairo "to study law", but in fact to work for Egyptian intelligence - and to marry his cousin Sajidah, Khairallah's daughter.

Saddam returned to Iraq after the overthrow of Qasim in a military-Baathist coup less than three years later, in February 1963, and was immediately engaged in plots against the Baathists' partners in the new regime. He also enrolled at Baghdad university's law faculty and turned up for final examinations in military uniform and carrying a pistol. He was promptly granted a degree.

During the next four years, after the military had thrown the Baathists out of the government in November 1963, Saddam was engaged in racketeering and in accumulating secret caches of arms for his Party's street fights with opponents. He rose quickly through the party by intimidating or eliminating his rivals. He also planned for the eventually successful recapture of power in July 1968, immediately upon which, he and his groups of street fighters shot or stabbed to death over a thousand shopkeepers belonging to a rival union.

In the following months, he became deputy chairman of the Command Council of the Revolution under the nominal leadership of his kinsman, president Colonel Ahmad Hassan al-Bakr. He took charge of internal security and became the chief-interrogator, effective strongman of the regime. A year later he was vice-president.

One early decision of the new government was to arrange a truce with Kurdish autonomists in Kurdistan and to align the country with the Soviet Union in order to improve the Iraqi army's equipment supply position. Another radical measure was a decree forbidding the use of surnames by citizens. Thus Saddam Tikriti, as he had until then been known, reverted to the traditional Saddam Hussein, meaning Saddam the son of Hussein.

The generally accepted explanation for the new law was that Saddam wanted to hide how many members of the Cabinet were his relatives from Tikrit. Yet another radical departure was the nationalisation of the British-owned Iraqi Petroleum Company, which had managed the northern Kirkuk oil fields. The act gave the government widespread powers in the oilfields to sack Kurdish workers and begin the ethnic cleansing of the province.

In 1972 Saddam, who had executed many leaders of the pro-Soviet Communist party, brought the remainder of the emasculated movement into the government and also gave four ministries to the Kurds, with a charter that gave most of Iraqi Kurdistan a measure of self rule. But the non-Baathist ministers had little executive power and Baghdad continued to interfere in the affairs of the Kurds, arresting unfriendly citizens wherever its troops had the power to do so.

An incident from this period of "peace" with the Kurds that typified Saddam Hussein's methods occurred when a group of Muslim clerics were urged by the government to visit the Kurdish leader Mustafa Barzani in his mountain stronghold "to build goodwill between Arabs and Kurds". The secret police persuaded the clerics to conceal small cassette recorders under their robes and switch them on as soon as Barzani spoke. The devices exploded, killing the clerics and a Kurdish soldier serving them tea.

The government, as usual, denied responsibility, but by early 1974 it was clear that the two sides could not coexist. By then the Iraqi army had acquired large numbers of modern weapons and was being trained by thousands of Soviet military advisers, while the Kurds were given some military aid by Iran and the United States. Thus began the first military aggression of Saddam's career. It lasted a year and appeared to be a stalemate when, in March 1975 in Algiers for a meeting of the Organisation of Petroleum Exporting Countries, Saddam struck a deal with the Shah: Iraq would share navigational rights in the Shatt al Arab waterway at the head of the Persian Gulf with Iran and promise to reduce its alignment with the Soviet Union, while Iran would immediately cut off all aid to the Kurds and close its border to them. The Kurdish movement in Iraq collapsed and an estimated 300,000 Kurds were deported to desert camps in the south. Many vanished.

Elsewhere in Iraq, the Government began a programme of rapid industrialisation, particularly in the manufacture of arms, and based mainly in the Sunni strongholds of Baathism in central Iraq. These were the years of escalating oil prices and the surplus of the Government's new revenues was spent on more arms and on raising living standards, especially among the minority Sunni Arabs from among whom the Baath party arose.

In the Arab world at large the net effect of the Baathist seizure of power was beginning to become clear: while the Baathists had denounced Qasim for his refusal to unite Iraq with Egypt, they now revealed themselves as even more narrowly jealous of Iraq's sovereignty than Qasim had been. Their forces along the Jordanian border with Israel refused to help the Palestinians in their war with King Hussein in 1970, and they became fiercely hostile to Syria, ruled by another wing of the Baath party.

Saddam became president in July 1979, after he forced the retirement of Hassan al-Bakr, and he immediately executed 22 high-ranking members of the party as punishment for opposing his elevation. He also began to plan the invasion of Iran, then in the throes of revolutionary chaos under Ayatollah Khomeini, whom, ironically, Saddam had sheltered for years prior to expelling him in the previous year to please the Shah.

Motivated by the prospect of humiliating "the ancient Persian enemy" and increasing his chances of becoming the overall leader of the Arab world, Saddam declared the agreement he had signed with the Shah in 1975 invalid, saying that he had signed it when Iraq was militarily weak. On September 22, 1980, Iraqi tanks rolled into Iran and attempted to cut the southern oil fields of Khuzistan from the rest of the country. It proved to be a costly mistake. The initial advance by Iraq came to a halt in weeks and the tide turned in favour of the Iranians to such an extent that, by the spring of 1982, the Iraqis were close to being completely expelled from the territory they had gained.

Saddam now announced a "unilateral withdrawal from Iranian territory", only to have his offer rejected by Khomeini, who continued to inspire lightly-armed young supporters seeking martyrdom for Islam to throw themselves at sophisticated Iraqi defences.

Over the next six years, small districts of southern and central Iraq were occupied by Iran, with the city of Basra, Iraq's second largest, coming close to falling several times. Saddam made heavy use of chemical weapons, clearly violating the Geneva Protocols, without any international retribution, and he resorted to the indiscriminate bombing of civilian quarters in Iranian cities, including Tehran. He also bombed Iran's oil terminals in the Gulf and used French-supplied missiles to strike at oil tankers.

The Iranians, who had closed the Gulf to Iraqi shipping from the outset of the war, retaliated by attacking all commercial vessels bound for Kuwait and Saudi Arabia, the financial mainstays of Iraq. This brought in the United States, which itself covertly supported Iraq. It re-flagged oil tankers bound for Arab ports and confronted the Iranian navy. Britain and other Western states sent mine countermeasures ships to the Gulf. Iran's stout resistance made the war one of the longest major conflicts this century. Some 50 small towns and thousands of villages along the border between the two countries were destroyed.

The end came in the summer of 1988, after Iraq's enhanced chemical weapons had begun to be more effective. The Fao Peninsula and the oil-rich Majnoon islands were recaptured and Iran itself became vulnerable. Ayatollah Khomeini announced that he would accept Resolution 598 of the Security Council, which was "worse than drinking from a poisoned chalice". A cease-fire came into effect in August, with the question of reparations left in the air.

Before the onset of the war, Iraq's estimated three million Kurds in the northern highlands had started another uprising in the pursuit of cultural and political rights. During the war they received military aid from Iran. Towards the end, in March 1988, the town of Halabja had just fallen to Kurdish guerrillas when Iraqi aircraft saturated it with a mixture of poison and nerve gases. Some 5,000 people died and many more were maimed. The rest of the population fled to Iran.

However, the Soviet Union and France continued to sell weapons to Baghdad, while Britain doubled Iraq's export credit guarantees. The Senate in Washington voted to impose sanctions on Baghdad, but the measure ran out of time in the House of Representatives when President Reagan said he would veto it.

By now Saddam was convinced that all international protests about human rights were designed solely to extract commercial concessions, and that no atrocity of his risked serious punishment. He believed that Western powers would not oppose his acquiring of nuclear weapons, since they had allowed him to buy chemical weapons technology and had apparently turned a blind eye to his agents buying nuclear triggers and fissile material, often with money borrowed from themselves under such guises as credit for agricultural products.

But his ambitions were secretly causing concern to some Western strategic thinkers. They could not understand why Iraq, with a population of only 17 million and an estimated foreign debt of $70 billion, needed "the fourth largest army in the world". In December 1989 Saddam declared that his country had launched its first space rocket. Another of his projects included a "super-gun", secretly designed and built in Britain and other European countries by a Canadian projectile specialist, Gerald Bull, that could target Israel with chemical or nuclear warheads. Bull was later assassinated in Europe, apparently by Israel.

In March 1990 Saddam turned down pleas by many foreign statesmen and executed an Iranian-born journalist working for The Observer, Farzad Bazoft, who had investigated an explosion at a missile manufacturing plant near Hilla in central Iraq.

But Saddam's next outrage was on a quite different scale. His new victim was the oil-rich state of Kuwait. On July 18, 1990, Iraq accused Kuwait of "stealing $2.4 billions' worth of oil" from it by drilling in a border region, and demanded prompt compensation, even though Baghdad had received more than that sum in gifts from Kuwait and owed it some $15 billion more in interest-free loans received to help it against Iran. A visit by Egypt's President, Hosni Mubarak, to Baghdad six days later did not result in a change of position, nor did a meeting the next day with the American ambassador April Glaspie, who, reportedly, told Saddam that "the United States had no view regarding inter-Arab disputes". On August 1, talks in Jeddah between Iraqi and Kuwaiti representatives broke down. Soon after midnight, Iraqi tanks invaded Kuwait and its rulers fled to Saudi Arabia. Iraq looted Kuwait's gold reserves and declared the country to be its 19th province.

Western governments immediately froze Kuwait's substantial assets in their territories to prevent them from falling into Saddam's hand, and the United States began to send fighter and ground attack aircraft to Saudi Arabia to defend it against Iraq. The world was gripped by a crisis of a degree unheard of since the Arab-Israeli war of 1973. Iraq had its supporters. Jordan, Yemen and the Palestine Liberation Organisation said they understood its motives, while Arab nationalists everywhere celebrated the "first step towards the unification of the Arab homeland". The Soviet Union, China and India pressed for a negotiated settlement.

In the following months, the United States and Britain worked to build a coalition of 29 countries, including Egypt and Syria, that would go to war to prevent the oilfields of the Arabian peninsula becoming Saddam's property. Meanwhile several retired Western statesmen, including Edward Heath and the Willy Brandt, travelled to Baghdad to mediate, but appeared only to be paying homage at the court of the new Caliph of Islam. They failed to persuade Saddam to withdraw from Kuwait, but won the release of the Western hostages he had imprisoned at strategic sites in Iraq to thwart Western bombing.

Every twist of the drama, with Saddam and the United States President, George Bush - father of the President who was to attack Saddam 12 years later - as its protagonists, was watched on the world's television screens by spellbound audiences. While Iraqi spokesmen held out the prospect of a peaceful withdrawal, and mediation efforts reached a high pitch, the coalition countries, led by the United States, Britain, France and Saudi Arabia, built up a formidable force of more than half-a-million troops and over 500 combat aircraft in the region.

Still, Saddam Hussein did not withdraw by the United Nations deadline of midnight, January 15, 1991. The next evening, the coalition airforces began the bombing of strategic targets in Baghdad and other parts of Iraq, relying on the new breed of cruise missiles, laser-guided bombs and stealth fighters. The Iraqi air force was eliminated on the first day of the battle, many of its aircraft escaping to Iran to seek refuge in the former enemy state. But Iraq's Soviet-supplied Scud missiles did manage sometimes to reach Israel and Saudi Arabia. Saddam displayed his few captured British pilots on television.

Such was the devastation inflicted on the Iraqi army in Kuwait and southern Iraq by allied bombing that some experts argued a land invasion might not be necessary. In the event, an armoured invasion was needed to repossess Kuwait. It was launched on February 24 and halted 100 hours later, with allied forces within 150 miles of Baghdad. It was a totally humiliating defeat, though Saddam managed to dub it "The Mother of all Victories".

In the months to come, it became clear that the Western powers had ended the war prematurely and had even allowed substantial cadres of Saddam's most loyal troops to escape with their armour. Furthermore, the cease-fire treaty, signed by the coalition's commander, General Norman Schwarzkopf, allowed Iraq to fly its helicopter gunships within its territory. "I was suckered", said the general later.

Thus the Shia and Kurdish revolts that broke out in the south and north in the spring of 1991 were brutally put down by Saddam and a major Kurdish refugee exodus into Turkey embarrassed the West, forcing the United States, Britain and France to declare flight exclusion zones in the south and north of the country and send troops into the north to enable the Kurds to return to their homes.

The cease-fire treaty permitted the sale of Iraqi oil abroad to the value of $1.5 billion each six months to allow the importation of food, medicines and other humanitarian materials for the population. Yet Saddam refused to co-operate, saying that it violated Iraq's national sovereignty and demanding that all sanctions against his government be removed. The stalemate continued for several years and resulted in much suffering, until Saddam concluded that the strategy did not work. At the same time, the ceiling for permitted oil exports was lifted to $5.25 billion each six months.

Nevertheless, in June 1999, when Forbes Magazine placed Saddam among the richest men in the world with an estimated personal fortune of $6 billion US dollars, the United Nations reported that over half of all food and medicines it had allowed to be purchased by Iraq were perishing in warehouses in the country. While malnutrition and disease ravaged Iraqis, members of the regime seemed able to import any luxury product they desired and Western reporters found some of the medicines bearing the United Nations label on sale in Jordan and Iran.

Other examples of Saddam's malfeasance after the Gulf War of 1991 included a plot to kill the former President George Bush during a visit to Kuwait; a systematic attempt to frustrate the work of the United Nations arms inspectors in finding and destroying Iraq's stockpiles of chemical and biological weapons as demanded by a UN resolution; a partial invasion in August 1996 of the Kurdish enclave in the north; and the refusal to recognise the validity of the two flight exclusion zones in the north and the south. Reports also spoke of continued research on banned weapons involving tests on Iranian and Kurdish prisoners of war in underground laboratories.

In answer to some of these violations of the cease-fire treaty of 1991, American and British airforces based in the Gulf mounted heavy punitive operations against military targets in Iraq. The heaviest example was Desert Fox in December 1998, after Saddam had finally expelled the UN arms inspectors. For the first time since the Gulf War, some of the main instruments of his grip over Iraq, such as the Republican Guards, were heavily struck, after which Saddam seemed to offer less resistance to the allies.

To many countries in the international community it therefore seemed strange that from the autumn of 2001 there was a sudden and powerful demand from the West, led by America and President George W Bush and seconded by Britain personified by its Prime Minister Tony Blair, that Saddam destroy his "weapons of mass destruction" - or face attack again. This time there was to be no dependence on a military coalition. American anger at the destruction of the New York World Trade Center by al-Qaeda terrorists with no proven connection with Iraq would brook no new UN resolutions - which France, anyway, swore to veto - as a sanction for invasion.

In the European Union, France and Germany were opposed to attacking Iraq, Italy lay low and only the British and Spanish prime ministers pledged support. From early 2003, another mighty armament was assembled, this time in Kuwait, since Saudi Arabia and other Arab countries were resolutely set against the adventure. As before it was preponderantly American, with the difference that Britain alone provided a substantial supporting component.

Saddam, though deriving encouragement from worldwide anti-war protests, so far bowed to this show of force as to allow the return of UN weapons inspectors. At the same time he, not surprisingly, made their work of verification and destruction as difficult as possible. But American patience was running out. Such large and highly technical land and air forces could not be kept indefinitely in the sweltering heat of the desert. Their merely having been assembled gave the impetus to war its own relentless momentum. When the blow fell it did so with irresistible force.

The prolonged air assault on Iraqi military assets which had been a feature of the coalition's 1991 campaign was dispensed with in the attack which was launched in March 2003. After a few "surgical" strikes on Baghdad and other targets, US forces forged across the border towards Baghdad, while the British invested Basra. In little more than a fortnight the military campaign was all but over. After a remarkable advance of more than 250 miles US Army and Marine units penetrated Baghdad and carried the war into the Iraqi capital's streets. Saddam was targeted in precision air strikes which supported the troops on the ground and, at the same time, attempted to eliminate members of the Iraqi leadership wherever they could be found.

On May 1, 2003 President Bush pronounced that the war was over and the month of July saw an American-backed Iraqi Governing Council meet for the first time. By October a new currency was adopted to replace the one on which Saddam had been displayed. But until November he was still visible on numerous broadcasts which sought to encourage Iraqis to increase their resistance. After the deaths of hundreds of American soldiers, as well as international officials including the UN Special Representative to Iraq, it was a coup for the American military when Saddam was captured near Tikrit in December. His sons Uday and Qusay had already been killed in an American strike on a safe house where they were hiding.

He was at first held in custody by US forces at Camp Cropper in Baghdad. But it was the American intention that Iraqis themselves should try their former leader for his crimes against his people. In July 2004, the first legal hearing in his case was heard before an Iraqi Special Tribunal. In July the following year he was charged with the mass murder of the inhabitants of the village of Dujail in 1982.

But the trial, conducted against a background of rising violence in Iraq as the country disintegrated into its Shia, Sunni and Kurdish components, swiftly degenerated into chaos. In November a defence lawyers on the team representing one of Sadam's co-accused was murdered. He was to be the first of several. On December 5, Saddam and his lawyers contested the authority of the court, Saddam himself telling the judge to "go to hell". The chief judge Rizgar Amin, a Kurd, resigned complaining of government interference and an interim appointment was made in his stead.

When, March 15, 2006, Saddam took the stand, he refused to answer questions, instead delivering a tirade of political pronouncements, declaring himself to be still President of Iraq and calling on his people to stop fighting each other and turn on the Americans. In June Khamis al-Obeidi, the chief defence lawyer was kidnapped and killed. In protest, Saddam began - and ended - a hunger strike, and later embarked on a second. The trial became increasingly chaotic with judges replacing each other with a rapidity that completely undermined any remaining plausibility that might have accrued to the proceedings.

Yet in the end, on November 15, Saddam was found guilty of crimes against humanity in ordering the deaths of 148 Shia inhabitants of the town of Dujail, and was sentenced to death by hanging. Saddam's response was to shout in open court: "God is great! Long live Iraq Long live the Iraqi people! Down with the traitors!" His lawyers appealed against the sentence, but Iran's highest appeal court confirmed it on December 26, with the rider that sentence should be carried out within 30 days.

Saddam Hussein married, in 1963, Sajida Khairalla Talfah, and they had two sons and three daughters. But he also had a long-standing mistress, Samira Shahbandar, whom he married in 1986 after forcing her husband, the head of the Iraqi Airways, to divorce her. They had a son. There was a third marriage, to Nidal al-Hamdani.

Saddam Hussein, President of Iraq since 1979, was born on April 28, 1937. He died on December 30, 2006, aged 69.

Copyright 2006 Times Newspapers Ltd.

Monday, December 25, 2006

Taoist Thoughts for Christmas Morning

Force begets force.

One whose needs are simple can fulfill them easily.

Material wealth does not enrich the spirit.

Self-absorption and self-importance are vain and self-destructive.

Victory in war is not glorious and not to be celebrated, but stems from devastation, and is to be mourned.

The harder one tries, the more resistance one creates for oneself.

The more one acts in harmony with the universe (the Mother of the ten thousand things), the more one will achieve, with less effort.

The truly wise make little of their own wisdom for the more they know, the more they realize how little they know.

When we lose the fundamentals, we supplant them with increasingly inferior values which we pretend are the true values.

Glorification of wealth, power and beauty beget crime, envy and shame.

The qualities of flexibility and suppleness are superior to rigidity and strength.

Everything is in its own time and place.

Duality of nature that complements each other instead of competing with each other — the two faces of the same coin — one cannot exist without the other.

The differences of opposite polarities — i.e. the differences between male and female, light and dark, strong and weak, etc. — helps us understand and appreciate the universe.

Humility is the highest virtue.

Knowing oneself is a virtue.

Envy is our calamity; overindulgence is our plight.

The more you go in search of an answer, the less you will understand.

Know when it's time to stop.

And here's some Christian thoughts for Christmas morning, from whom I somewhat ironically refer to as "my first openly Christian friend," Scott Ott of Enjoy.

Trivia: that's Scott singing in the background, not Neil Diamond.

Sunday, December 24, 2006

McDonald's Training film, 1972

Hang in there, it just gets more and more surreal, bleak, and existential.

Merry Christmas!

Saturday, December 23, 2006

Zawahiri to Democrats: Let's Make a Deal

Allahpundit sums it up more concisely than I ever could, as usual:

This sounds familiar.

Zawahri says he has two messages for American Democrats.

“The first is that you aren’t the ones who won the midterm elections, nor are the Republicans the ones who lost. Rather, the Mujahideen — the Muslim Ummah’s vanguard in Afghanistan and Iraq — are the ones who won, and the American forces and their Crusader allies are the ones who lost,” Zawahri said, according to a full transcript obtained by ABC News.

Zawahri calls on the Democrats to negotiate with him and Osama bin Laden, not others in the Islamic world who Zawahri says cannot help.

“John Kerry immediately booked a flight to Islamabad,” says Ace, who wants to know why AQ is hot for us to pull out if our presence in Iraq is, per leftist dogma, such a powerful recruiting tool for jihad. Possible answer: because being perceived as having defeated America would be an even bigger recruiting bonanza. Another possible answer: because they expect a surge in U.S. troops and know things are about to get tough(er) for them, so they’re trying to sweeten the pot re: withdrawal. Yet another possible answer: they fear the Shiites’ rising prestige and want to cast themselves as the real seat of power in the country. And yet another possible answer: it’s just more empty propaganda designed to drive a wedge between the American left and right. Pick your poison.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

"TrailerTrashGate" or "DeadDropGate" -- you decide.

I'm just torn as to the proper name for BurglarGate. The whole thing is quite surreal. The former NS-freaking-A gets caught and admits to sneaking out and destroying above-top-secret documents that undoubtedly painted himself and the Clinton administration in a bad or incriminating light post-9/11... and gets zero jail time. Some of the documents he hid under a nearby construction trailer in what is known in spy tradecraft as a "dead-drop."

Burglar's security clearance will be reinstated just in time for Hillary's presidency. Insane. He should be in jail, on multiple charges of treason and obstruction of justice.

Pajamas Media has obtained the redacted report. Burglar's confession to putting some of the documents under the construction trailer appears on page 9.

Report Says Berger Hid Archive Documents

Dec 20, 5:05 PM (ET)


(AP) National Security Adviser Sandy Berger briefs reporters at the White House in this 1998 file photo....
Full Image

WASHINGTON (AP) - Former national security adviser Sandy Berger removed classified documents from the National Archives in 2003 and hid them under a construction trailer, the Archives inspector general reported Wednesday.

The report was issued more than a year after Berger pleaded guilty and received a criminal sentence for removal of the documents.

Inspector General Paul Brachfeld reported that when Berger was confronted by Archives officials about the missing documents, he said it was possible he threw them in his office trash.

The report said that when Archives employees first suspected that Berger - who had been President Clinton's national security adviser - was removing classified documents from the Archives in the fall of 2003, they failed to notify any law enforcement agency.

Berger, who pleaded guilty to unlawfully removing and retaining classified documents, was fined $50,000, ordered to perform 100 hours of community service and was barred from access to classified material for three years.
The report said that when Berger was reviewing the classified documents in the Archives building a few blocks from the Capitol, employees saw him bending down and fiddling with something white, which could have been paper, around his ankle.

However, Archives employees did not feel at the time there was enough information to confront someone of Berger's stature, the report said.

Brachfeld reported that on one visit, Berger took a break to go outside without an escort.
"In total, during this visit, he removed four documents ... .

"Mr. Berger said he placed the documents under a trailer in an accessible construction area outside Archives 1 (the main Archives building)."

Berger acknowledged that he later retrieved the documents from the construction area and returned with them to his office.

Berger, with the authorization of former President Clinton, was reviewing National Security Council documents on Osama bin Laden and al-Qaida, Sudan, and related presidential correspondence. The review was to facilitate Berger's impending testimony before the House and Senate intelligence committees.

Today's Forecast: Two Consecutive Eclipses

Merry Christmas.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

"Peace In Our Time," Proclaims James Baker!

From the man, the myth, the magic that is David Zucker.

Monday, December 18, 2006

Molly Marcy: It Puts the Lotion on Its Skin Or Else It Gets the Hose Again

When I was sitting there watching Ryan Sage's new spec pilot, "Molly Marcy," I was repeatedly reminded of the scene in "The Silence of the Lambs" when the shivering naked girl is down at the bottom of the well, and the abductor is asking for the lotion back, her pelt being adequately tenderized for the moment, saying, "it puts the lotion in the basket" -- because what writer/director Sage has done is to skin the sitcom-genre alive, tan its hide, carefully cut it on the bias with leather shears, sew the pieces neatly back together into a form-fitting suede jumpsuit, and then march around his victim's twitching corpse proudly wearing its former epidermis while noisily sucking his thumb, giggling and singing the theme song to Gilligan's Island.

Frickin' HY-larious. I'm not kidding. I was crying in parts. And the only time in recent memory that I can remember doing that was during Borat.

And I wasn't alone, but my reaction was hardly the rule: the pilot breaks so many conventions while at the same time seeming to adhere to them that most of the test audience seemed genuinely mystified.

Not a surprise. It will appeal to about 10% of any audience, but that 10% will absolutely love it. (Actually, a ten-share is considered a hit on TV these days, now that I think of it.)

I've never seen a more perfect manifestation of
John Barth's seminal 1967 essay, "The Literature of Exhaustion,", which was recently republished in a collection of what Barth called, the Friday stuff: essays and musings written on the one day of the week when he wrote only nonfiction. These days that would be called, "blogging." But I digress.

Barth's little essay on that-which-would-become-known-as-postmodernism, examined just what the fark a writer is supposed to do when every conceivable idea, execution, theme, permutation, variation, twist, plot device, character trait, or physical setting has been done, and then done again, and then done again and again and again.

How is one to lapse into anything but cliché if all of the monkeys at all of the typewriters have already had their turn by the time it's your turn at the keyboard?

Barth's answer -- and Ryan Sage's -- is called, metafiction -- fiction about fiction, recursive writing that bends back on itself, distorted and self-reflexive like a hallway of funhouse mirrors reflecting each other -- but with absolutely nothing in between to reflect besides themselves.

For both Barth and Sage, the journey is a fun and absurd exercise in futility.

Sage's first spec pilot,
As Seen On TV won last year's Independent Television Festival for best comedy and best script, and after watching his second spec pilot, one can't help but wonder how much of the intensity with which he skewers sitcom conventions wasn't the natural chemical reaction of a guy with this much talent getting told "No" over and over again by suits with significantly less talent of their own and even less interest in greenlighting anything that could conceivably get them fired. For the person who would greenlight Molly Marcy would have to have the giant balls of steel, and such things are quite well known to be mythical-to-non-existent in Hollywood, the land of big mortgages, expensive private schools, and 4-figure car payments. No one gets fired in Hollywood for saying no. That is their job, as gatekeepers, to say no, and only to say yes when the blame can be clearly assigned to someone other than themselves. I don't blame them, actually. 80% of everything fails, so why risk it? But guess what, gatekeepers?






Molly Marcy is an expertly written and wonderfully acted goof on the sitcom genre itself and how there is just simply nothing left to do with it except to turn it inside out and wear it as a clown-suit (with an "M" on the lapel).

The "M" on the lapel in the photograph above is on the shirt of the eponymous star, Molly Marcy (Anna Bocci, who plays the role with boundless energy and perfect comic obliviousness and enthusiasm -- a role itself a postmodern permutation of her starring role in Sage's first pilot), the do-gooding daughter of an evil Republican father who has made his millions as a weapons manufacturer (Nick Searcy, a somewhat less-than-evil man who is known in some Hollywood circles as, "the greatest American since John Wayne," for reasons which cannot be discussed). Besides her father (and reality), Molly's main antagonist is the sardonic wheelchair-bound Frank (Loy Edge), who got the night's biggest laugh with his reaction to accidentally being shot by Molly.

Frank's wife, Dobby (played by the why-the-hell-isn't-she-much-much-more-famous Helen Greenberg who is best known as the receptionist who says, "I'm sorry," on Dharma & Greg and also had a recurring role on my personal favorite crime-it-only-went-two-years sitcom, Ned and Stacy)is Molly's best friend and unwitting accomplice. Rounding out the talent-laden front line is a great newcomer of a little girl -- Hannah Bubrick -- who deadpans her way past Molly's insanity and right into your heart.

The other great surprise appearance is by the show's headwriter (pipe-smokingly played by Jason Duplissea) who comes on to explain a certain plot-twist -- and defend himself against a certain outraged lead actress, in a moment that I won't spoil for you otherwise.

The pilot itself was followed by a bunch of MM shorts that were more "conventionally" funny, or more accurately, got a bunch more laughs because the where and the why of when you were supposed to laugh was made more clear. Like the pilot, the shorts are delighfully perverse, and apparently, the whole batch should be coming to you soon via or one of the other new media outlets for the outletting of uncategorizeable stuff like MM.

Sad, in a way, that Molly Marcy will most likely "only" end up on youtube (I say "only" because youtube is now getting 30 million viewers a night, whereas all the broadcast networks combined are "only" getting 20 million per night); I think that Molly Marcy could be a case, like Ben Stiller's brilliant Heat Vision and Jack (and famously almost like Seinfeld), where the studios are SO sure the audience won't get it (because, they -- the types who wind up with greenlighting power in development departments across town -- don't themselves get it) that they never even take the chance. Sad.

This pilot has close to ZERO chance of getting on the NBC primetime schedule this fall... and maybe that is one of the reasons NBC lost one billion dollars last year.

The sitcom is officially dead. Long live Molly Marcy.

(Almost forgot: the title-sequence graphics by Milan Erceg are almost worth the price of admission alone. Exquisite.)

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Dixie Chicks Splitting Up

Saturday, December 09, 2006


Let your inner frat boy loose
Ranking the 10 best bachelor weekends
By Richard Morgan
Updated: 7:33 a.m. AKT Dec 8, 2006
Matthew McConaughey and Lance Armstrong like to spend a lot of time together, which has turned a few heads. Do guys ... do that? "They think we're these overgrown frat guys, but we all have those kinds of relationships," Armstrong recently told the press. "And 'relationship' isn't a bad word. I mean, we all have buds, we all take guy trips."

They're called "mancations," and McConaughey and Armstrong might look into trying one just northwest of their hometown, Austin, at Horseshoe Bay, a luxury resort alongside Lake LBJ, which has a private jet center, three championship golf courses, a full-service marina, a cigar-smoking Yacht Club, 12 tennis courts, three pools, three restaurants and a 349-room Marriott.

Think of mancations as a "guys' night out," only instead of taking a cab downtown, you take a jet cross-country. Or imagine a bachelor party where nobody has the buzzkill of impending marriage on their minds. It's a way to revive frat-house antics for soccer dads, cubicle pals or college buddies, and that attitude is reflected in the places these vacation packages pop up — Vegas over Venice, a ride in a racecar instead of a hot-air balloon.

Mancations are just a new label on an old tradition. In fact, you might have even already taken a mancation. Camping trips, ski weekends, or even a group of guys heading out of town to catch a ball game all qualify. Of course, hotels don't make much money off backpackers in Yosemite and Yellowstone, so they've created luxury packages for men who want to be manly as well as air-conditioned.

The word "mancation" was popularized when Vince Vaughn used it this summer in the flick "The Breakup," but it's more suited to Vaughn's better-known "Swingers." The idea is to mix a macho city (Vegas, Chicago, Boston) with macho activities (racing, fishing, golfing, skiing) and lots of macho ego-stroking (chefs, masseuses, concierges).

The Copley Plaza in Boston, for example, has an "Entourage" package based on the HBO show about four Hollywood buddies; you and three guests stay in a two-bedroom suite on the hotel's private floor, use the private club and have the concierge wait on you hand and foot. To hammer home the message, you also get — as part of your two-night, four-person, $3,000 package — the DVD set for the first season of "Entourage." For even more luxury, Rocco Forte's Brown's Hotel in London and Hotel Astoria in St. Petersburg, Russia (where "Goldeneye" was filmed) offer an unofficial James Bond package, complete with caviar facials.

"We've had spa packages for women for years, so we thought we should have something similar for men. It's 50 percent of the market that hasn't been looked at until recently," says Ron Molko, developer at The South Regent in Miami, where poker packages can include penthouses, 24-hour butlers and chauffeured luxury cars (Mercedes, Bentley, Lamborghini, Porsche).

Not that mancations are totally without women. "Single women call us up to be at the hotel when mancationers are around," says Molko. "I don't want it to sound like hookers, but these are just women who are attracted to a higher-quality client, a higher-quality man. These are packages that run, bare minimum, $3,500 for a three-night weekend. And that's a certain type of guy." International options are less subtle; Costa Rica's Hook & Hooker offers mancationers fishing with Cuban cigars and "after-fishing action."

The general appeal is a kind of thoughtlessness on the guys' part. "If you're a guy, you don't want to take the risk of being in charge when you're not sure how to plan something; you don't know the city like you're used to. So we can just get called and set it up for them when they don't have to think about it," says Matt Lintner, who runs entertainment packages with his college and high school buddies at Three Headed Productions in Chicago.

"We can handle you getting into nightclubs — no line, no wait, no cover. Guys fly by the seat of their pants a little more. But when you put together something like this and realize how much you can get without having to put any thought into it, it's great. It's like finding a barber or a tailor or getting your dry cleaning done. Why would you plan it yourself after you've had it taken care of?"

We've scoured the globe in search of the best bachelor weekend packages, and come up with a definitive list. Let your inner frat boy loose.


Friday, December 08, 2006

"Letter to Santa, 2006" -- A poem by John O'Connor

Letter to Santa, 2006

Dear Santa, here’s a list of gifts for John.
At your convenience, have it acted on.

I’m looking forward to a happy night.
I’d hate to have to send you anthracite.

I’m not expecting every one of these,
But give them your consideration, please.

Some tofu tasty as a slaughtered beast.
A new religion for the Middle East.

A way of having fun without a drink.
Prosperity. An end to all our wars.

A president who does not make me think
Of Hill and Bill as splendid, shining stars.

More clothing for Madonna, and for teens –
And for Pope Benedict, a pair of jeans.

Bring me duct tape for Kramer and for Mel
(I’ll keep a little for myself as well)

And notice, please, that I do not insist
On meeting any Kazakh journalist.

Some funny, useful, or compelling books.
Garrison Keillor’s wit but not his looks.

A pitcher who can finish what he starts.
A football team that beats the Patriots.

A soccer team the equal of the French.
Some distance runners stronger than their stench.

A cat. Some polished stones. A cup of tea.
A Harry Potter book I can’t foresee.

I could go on and on (I often do)
But as it happens I am nearly through.

One more request, as this epistle ends –
A merry Christmas, please, for all my friends.

©2006, John O'Connor

John O'Connor is a friend from high school, a gifted Irish-American poet born in an age that seems to have forgotten that poetry exists -- and why. In another age, he would surely be quite famous by now. A pity that's not the case, both for him and for our age.

I spent what I often refer to as, "the funniest summer of my life," working side by side with John doing the munion work for Arthur Benson II's civil rights lawfirm in Kansas City which was representing the plaintiffs in the famous KCMO school desegration case. We were both in college, me English/PoliSci at Occidental, and him pre-Divinity at Harvard (where he was Conan O'Brien's roommate for all four years -- another funny red-haired Irish-American, but one certainly more famous (at least for now...).

While toiling away in the dusty records bureaus of the KC area's six county seats, scouring through residential plats and housing deeds looking for The Negro Clause, that is, racially-restrictive covenants in the deed specifically forbidding the sale of the property to Negroes, we entertained each other during this historically repulsive, emotionally depressing, and mentally dull task with our attempts to find the most amusing and absurd names of all the various people who lived in these tens of thousands of racist households. Unfortunately, the complete list (we kept a running tally, and submitted it to the lawfirm at the end of the summer) has been lost to the four winds.

But I do remember some highlights. And note: these are real names, discovered on actual dusty documents that had been filed in those records bureaus sometime between 1880 and 1980, the year that the plaintiffs filed, I believe (the line of argument that was made, I believe, as a result of our reseach, was that school district lines had been drawn specifically to match up and "redline" with "whites only" housing developments. (Historical curiousity: we actually found many plats with racially-restrictive coventants forbidding the sale of the properties in certain subdivisions to NON-negroes -- so real estate developers and city fathers were covering their bases in both directions, essentially.)

It's been a long time, and I've killed more than a few braincells in the interim, but here's the few names I remember off the bat:

Seymore Longnecker
Henry Hose
Ida Huges

That last one had us laughing for weeks (actually years) afterwards. Ida Huges?

With his incomparable Irish brogue, John, not daring to look up from the document where he'd found the name, loudly asked me from across the room, "Ida Huges!? Ida Huges???"

I looked up. "Ida Huges? No way!"

"I am not kidding. It's right here. Come look! Ida Huges. If Ida Huges, what exactly is the object of her huging? Or does she just... huge? Is "To Huge" a transitive or intransive verb? I cannot figure it out."

Gales of laughter from me, angry annoyed looks from the county records building staff.

"Surely it must be a misprint; it's gotta be a misspelling of Hughes," I said, making my way over to inspect the golden find myself.

But no. There it was, in black and white. And not only was there just an Ida Huges, there was a whole huge Huges family. We found all of her brothers and sisters and cousins, as we spent the next hour looking to decipher the Huges mystery and climb every branch on the Huges' family tree.

And then suddenly, I had an IDEA.

"Oh my God, we should check the graveyard! She's gotta be in it somewhere!"

O'Connor immediately realized where I was going with this, and a mad scramble ensued as we flipped through the plats looking for the local graveyard nearest the Huges household.

And then.. Eureka! We found it.

There, in plot #237, of the Clay County graveyard, was a six-foot-by-three-foot piece of real estate that forever belongs to Ida Huges, her name quite clearly written right next to it.

"John," I said. "There is no choice here. We have to do it. We have to go buy a chisel and a mallet, and we have to fulfill Ida's grammatical destiny. She would want it that way. I'm sure that dear Ida will sleep forever more peacefully knowing that her headstone now reads, Ida Huged.

We laughed all the way home, and I think we may have actually driven around a bit looking for the graveyard, trying to steer the car through tears of laughter as we pictured ourselves sneaking into the graveyard in the middle of the night, flashlights, chisel, and mallet in hands... in search of Ida.

Ah, youth. Miss those days.

Here are a few more great poems by John that I have stored away in the dusty vaults of my computer. I keep encouraging him to publish, and helped him organize his 25 years of labor last year into a form fit for publishing, but so far that hasn't happened. Maybe I will just have to do it for him.

Sleeping With My Dog

It’s just platonic, actually – we’re friends.
We share a bed as other couples do
But there it ends.

There are some similarities. The sigh.
The bad breath in the morning. Tranquil fat.
And the endearing eye.

Pope Fergus

My Uncle Fergus wanted to be pope
But somehow never made the final cut.
He was short-listed – almost managed it.
(The women he had lived with didn’t help.)
Elected, he’d have made his own white smoke
From London fog and his tobacco breath
To show the Vatican the range and depth
Expected when you’re known to swear and tope.
One sees the church beneath the Fergan rule –
An excommunication for bad wine;
The ascot regulated like a sin;
Croquet a sacrament in every school.
He’d make another change: the papal guards
Would be replaced by English Eight Hussars.

Self-Portrait With Sculpture

Confront this fear: your masculinity –
Its awkwardness, its insecurity –

Contrasted with the giant marble rock
Which Michelangelo shaped: the perfect jock.

Oh, please. I need a level playing field.
I don’t believe the naked truth would yield

A good result for me. I need some shoes,
A flowered dress, some lipstick, and some rouge.

Then a fine hat, a monument to taste,
To nicely complement my padded bust.

I’ll pose beside the statue if I can –
A female Brit, a San Francisco man.

A purse and not a sling. Maybe some stones
Or country music songs or Irish tunes.

(Formidable weapons, these.) O fear my wrath
If muses arm me, help me sortie forth,

As tough as any feminist or fag
To fight the Philistines. War is a drag.

Al three are ©2005, John O'Connor

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Dear PPM14:

If Bummer Dietz at Scylla Charybdis can refer to his reading audience as "The B23" (his approximated number of faithful followers, though, in fact, he's had over 250K unique visitors), surely I can refer to the 14 people who checked in on this blog today, after literally weeks of blog-stagnation and almost no posting, as the PPM14.


Sorry to have been so negligent in my blogging. I have been busy, to understate. In fact, on the advice of phone calls from four separate people, who may or may have not been conspiring behind my back, I've taken the last day and a half off of work, and plan to do almost no more work until Sunday, when I will light the afterburners and make the final big push on one of the projects responsibile for a long string of 18 hour days without break that has been going on for over a month now.

The work has yielded fruit. I signed a new syndication deal with the syndicate who distributes the daily newspaper puzzle I've written (or, well, Loy or Josh or me has written) for the last 11 years, and it looks like this new one is going to perform much better than ye olde faithful. There's a book and calendar deal coming out of it, as well as a TV production and possibly one more media that I can't talk about quite yet.

I've been writing the patent, copywrite, and trademark applications that apply to the new game, and one of them, one of the patent claims, is startling even to me, a grizzled, cynical old ad guy, in its potential for being a "game-changer."

The second of the three major projects that I'm so stupidly charging along on all simulaneously, could bear serious fruit too.

As could the third, which involves turning one of the blogosphere's funniest and most well liked bloggers into a national radio personality via the use of bloggerleverage(tm).

If all goes well, getting fired from Warner Bros. may be the best thing that ever happened to me, but I've drunk flat champagne from too many prematurely popped corks in my day to start celebrating yet.

But, perhaps, soon.

In the meanwhile, please browse though the PPM archives until I get into position to devote brainspace to this blog. There's some great stuff hiding in there. Enjoy.

Thanks for reading.